


whoops i accidentally fell into your lap

by Skyuni123



Series: 17 (should have been 25 but i messed up) Days of a Self-Flagellating Christmas [9]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: (although it is not shown), Crack, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Humor, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Multi, Orgy, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Sex Pollen, Thor: Ragnarok, set on the spaceship they escape on at the end of ragnarok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 00:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12971388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyuni123/pseuds/Skyuni123
Summary: Our favs drink a mysterious substance and accidentally have an orgy.Fairly standard day at the office, really.





	whoops i accidentally fell into your lap

**Author's Note:**

> prompt was 'eggnog' 
> 
> i headcanon that our favs (and by that, i mean the gods etc), hang out in the cockpit of the ship and just shoot the shit.

The Hulk unearths a dusty box of something that looks and smells a lot like Midgardian eggnog from the depths of the ship, a few days into the voyage. He brings it to the Bridge Crew  (Thor, Loki, Brunnhilde, Korg, Miek and Heimdall (when he decides to stick around, although he’s not actually here on this occasion)) who are loitering about in the cockpit as per usual.

 

He announces - after opening one of the bottles and taking a long sniff - in halting Hulkese, “Earth drink. Eggnog. Banner like. You try.” 

 

He thrusts a bottle at Thor. 

Thor, who has never heard the term ‘safety first’ before and doesn’t know what it means, takes a long sip and passes the bottle onto the rest of the crew. The ‘eggnog’ is sweet, creamy, and leaves him wanting more.

All hell breaks loose.

  
  


Three days later, when Thor finally breaks free from the fog clouding his brain, the cockpit is in shambles. It _ reeks  _ of sex, and more alarmingly, of  _ sugar. _

He’s got something that seems like ...rock rash (???) littered across his chest. Alarmingly, he didn’t even know that rocks could give rashes. More alarmingly, he can’t remember how it got there. There’s scrapes all over his arms, as well as red welts around basically everywhere. Everything  _hurts,_ though it's a good hurt, just on the edge of painful, like his muscles have been used and abused nicely. 

 

If there’s been an orgy and he’s missed it, he will be  _ livid _ . Asgardian orgies are the stuff of legend and he very rarely gets to partake in them. 

 

The rest of the room is in a similar state of disarray. He’s fairly sure that Korg is under his cape in the corner (mainly because he can see one stony leg peeking out) and Miek might be with him. 

The Hulk is dozing - completely naked - up against one of the control panels. Thor eyes him and decides that a strategic retreat might be in order. He’s not sure what happened during this orgy, but considering the painful ache in his  _ everything,  _ it must certainly have been  _ something _ .

He’s mere feet from the door when he runs straight into Brunnhilde, who is completely clothed and without a hair out of place. 

 

“How- what- how do you appear so radiant when we are not?” He demands. He’s sure that she had had some of the ‘eggnog’ - which probably wasn’t eggnog, unless Midgardians are having far more orgies than they appear to be.

Instead of replying directly, she smirks and says, “you were a good lay, lightning man. Congrats on the… everything?” 

“Thank you.” Well, it’s not all bad. 

“Loki’s outside.” Brunnhilde pats him on the shoulder, in a mostly-patronising way. She moves into the cockpit and starts picking up the discarded bottles of ‘eggnog’.

 

Loki is not outside insomuch as  _ cowering  _ outside. “Do not talk to me.” He points a finger at Thor, “Not unless you value your life.”

“Okay.” Thor walks right past him, holding his ripped pants up as he does. He could stay and argue with Loki, but he knows him well enough that…

“Wait, wait, wait.” Loki catches up with him. “You did this.”

“Brother, if I wanted to have an orgy, I wouldn’t need to tempt anyone into it. I’m not you.”

 

And he strides on past Loki, intent on cleaning himself up somewhat. The idea of pseudo-incest doesn’t really bother him. They’ve both done worse before.

  
  


Later, the Hulk comes up to him, somewhat sheepishly, and says, “Not eggnog. Love potion. Banner sorry. Hulk sorry too.” 

“It’s fine, buddy. Don’t worry about it.” Thor pats him on his giant green wrist. “Love potions are no stranger in my world.” 

 

If only the Hulk knew the sheer  _ larks  _ he and the Warriors Three had had when they were younger! Truly, love potions had become more of a game than any sort of life-changing event.

 

The experience of the last few days had been fine. If he's truly being honest to himself, he’d prefer to repeat the whole experience again, but this time,  _ sober. _

 

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up at the [ tumbs ](http://villainousfilmmaker.tumblr.com)


End file.
